Speechless

Do you ever listen to a song over and over and over or am I the only one? I seem to find songs that I love and then wear them out until they either become really annoying or they almost become a part of my vocabulary. Well one song that will never get old and still makes me cry is “How Could I Ask for More” by Cindy Morgan. It is almost like she opened my heart and took the words straight from my mouth. Everytime it becomes more and more true. I was reminded of the song this week at work.

I met a family who the father has a brain tumor. He was pretty frustrated because the tumor was not allowing him to talk fluently. Long story short, I got really close the family during and after surgery. He went home and then followed up in clinic with the diagnosis of the most malignant form of brain cancer. His sons, wife and daughter’s in law were all in the room. I watched him as he heard the news that this tumor would take his life. The doctor left and I was in the room with the family. Honestly, this is one of my favorite times of my job – being able to walk with them in their time of need. We were all speechless; the family from the tears, the father because he was left unable to talk after surgery, and me who was just well…..speechless.

Then we had a young 24 year girl who was shot in the head and I saw her in the ICU the night she came in. I honestly didn’t think she was going to live. Then my attending and I took her to surgery on Saturday morning for about 6 hours and her outcome didn’t look good. After surgery, we went to talk to her family and her little 10 year old sister wrapped her arms around me and asked if her sister was ok. Talk about fighting back the tears. I told her mom I would be praying. I walked into her room today after being off for the weekend and she’s talking! I think her mom and I hugged for a good minute. I once again said, “Thank You Lord.”

Then I received a page of an internal medicine doctor who wanted a consult on an inmate who had a seizure and wanted us to take a look at him. I walked up to the room and there were 2 guards. The guy was completely shackled in the hospital bed; his hands were shackled together to a long chain to his feet. I introduced myself and started asking him his story. He has been in jail for about 30 years and hasn’t talked with his family in a long time. He said, “It’s just me ma’am.” He had a MRI which revealed a very large tumor and we went to tell him about surgery. My attending said, “He’s not going to live long but he’s a inmate so he’s getting what he deserved.” He’s going to go to surgery sometime this week.

3 different stories with 3 different people and 3 different lessons that I learned. First, I was incredibly thankful that I get to go home this week for Christmas and hug my family a little tighter this year. I’m very thankful for the health of my family – even the struggles that we walk through – at least I have family to go to.

Secondly, mercy is unlimited and so powerful. Mercy to the young girl or to the inmate. Honestly when I stand by the bedside of a patient and have to tell them the news of a brain tumor, I seem to forget they are an “inmate” or the victim of violence. Their eyes seem to soften as well when life becomes a reality. I drove home again tonight and said, Thank you Lord”.

Thirdly, what a precious gift of life this is even in the unanswered questions. I love Psalm 73 – “My heart and flesh my fail but the Lord is my portion.” His portion is so satisfying – even in my own feeble heart. My heart sometimes is so fickle and likes to be everywhere at times. But then I remember what I’m here for and then peace floods and I’m left speechless.

Have a great Christmas and may it be the best ever. Give your family an extra hug.

Allison